yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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