he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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