If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
