Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
