I would go down on you faster than GM stock
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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