hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
