i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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