He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i drank out of a bidet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
