Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
