her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
