Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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