So drunk its hurt
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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