Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
being pregnant is like rehab
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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