why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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