so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
