Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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