Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
