Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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