i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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