found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
