butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
what day is it and did you see me today?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
