I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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