all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
