the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
