I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
