Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
