I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
