Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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