why didn't you poke me back
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
