i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
