billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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