I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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