Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
