do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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