you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
