I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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