My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
