I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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