My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
