Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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