i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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