The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
