Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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