He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Less talking, more tequila
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize