This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
