Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
