saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
