Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
