I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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