She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
