she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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