Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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