I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
