he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
