As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
