But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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