We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
