Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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