Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
