Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
where does the pee come out of this thing
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize