I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
