i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
