There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
