Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
