Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
