id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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