how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize