rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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