that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
