I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
