Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize