Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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