i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
