I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
