Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
