Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
