I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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