Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
