babies were throwing up all over the place
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
