Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
