His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
