It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
