So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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