Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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