Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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