You can't special order awesome
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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