hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
